There are really only three kinds of trips: for business, personal vacation, or nonstop partying… We’ll take the last option!

If you’re looking for the best places on Earth to let loose, check out the list below!

Portland: Bakeries, Basketball, and Getting Baked

Portland’s your destination for busy days packed with things to do like drinking, and smoking. You know, the essentials to any party-cation.

Begin your day fueling up with the city’s best pastries and sweets at St. Honoré Boulangerie (there are three locations in the city). Try the Normandy apple toast, with fresh apples, Pommeau apple wine, and vanilla custard baked in a delicious pastry. Munchies anyone?

Sweat off the sweets at Friendly House, a 1950’s style YMCA type gym. Shoot some hoops, lift weights, or go really crazy and try some yoga, no shame.

Now that the blood’s flowing, smoke a bowl and head to Multnomah Falls, a majestic as hell mega waterfall on this side of the Columbia River Gorge. Load up on goodies from vendors in the parking lot, like snow cones, popcorn, or licorice, and go hiking like a mountain man. Take in the beautiful view.

In the afternoon, head to Pioneer Square downtown (or “Portland’s living room,” according to locals) to look around and check out Mission Theater, an old-school movie house that plays classic films. Buy a glass of local wine to enjoy with your movie like a true badass connoisseur.

Dinnertime means food from Little Bird, a swanky French bistro that serves everything from trout to crepes. Catch some eclectic live music at Rontoms. Or, if they’re packed, Bunk Bar. Finish your night at Voodoo Doughnuts. Eat a spooky voodoo doll doughnut with raspberry jelly guts and a pretzel spine.

New Orleans: Live Bands and Local Booze

New Orleans is a city of music and drinking. This adventure begins at sundown.

At d.b.a., enjoy local craft beers and awesome jazz and soul music from this live music club. Pace yourself because this is the start of a long and epic night. Shift to a classier vibe with Arnaud’s French 75, a former gentleman’s only establishment custom built in the late 1800s. Become the most interesting man in the world by settling into a plush armchair surrounded by beautiful company and enjoying a signature cocktail.

It’s Dinnertime. Head to Clancy’s, a Creole-style shop turned upscale bistro. Eat delicious fresh seafood from the Gulf and imagine yourself on the poop deck of your own fishing boat off the Gulf of Mexico. Have a few beers.

After your meal, lose the fancy digs, and escape to the Maple Leaf Bar, an R&B juke joint like something out of the Mississippi Delta. Take a few shots and buy a round for the house, then bolt when the check comes. Don’t really do that.

You should be ten or fifteen (or thirty) drinks in at this point, so take your next beer in a to-go-cup, and roll your way to BJ’s Lounge, a neighborhood dive bar that won’t mind if you’re a little sloppy. Enjoy a few more songs from the live band before crawling to the new Ace Hotel at the corner of Carondelet and Lafayette Street, in the warehouse district. Get a room, and sleep for three days, you’re gonna’ need it.

Miami: Strippers, The Club, and A Whole Lot of Chicken

In Miami, your night begins with a booming club scene, DJs at every venue, and one of the best stripper scenes in America. Put on your big boy pants and hit the town!

Skip South Beach for now and check out hip new neighborhoods like Wynwood or the Design District. While you’re still (relatively) sober, play big-ass Jenga (it’s really life size) at the Wood Tavern. Rage at the neon clubs like STORY or LIV. Before you get too messed up, visit Coyo Taco, a Mexican restaurant with a hidden out back supplied with top quality tequila.

Got a taste for the mega-parties? Grab your drinks and some sexy company and head to the Miami Beach EDITION for their baller basement bar. At the WALL in the W hotel or the FDR at the Delano South Beach, a few blocks down, there’s usually a legendary party.

Miami’s strip clubs are for legends and rap songs. Visit the King of Diamonds or Tootsie’s (Drake’s favorite, if that does anything for you) or E11EVEN, a 24-hour strip club with a rooftop restaurant. And bring an appetite. For hot wings, oddly enough; Miami’s strip clubs have the best chicken wings like you wouldn’t believe.

Medellin: Make Friends, and Witness Some Crazy Shit

This metropolis has a notorious reputation for going all out, even by Colombian standards. Block parties happen in the streets with plenty of music, and live action for all to enjoy. We’re talking about a city where small quantities of cocaine have been decriminalized.

After work (especially on Fridays), visit residential neighborhoods like Estadio, where friends and families gather outside their homes and on the streets like a communal backyard. The party goes well into the night in areas like Parque Lleras, with all kinds of fried foods and alcohol. Storekeepers may give you shots in little plastic cups to hand out to locals strolling by. Do that, and make some friends. It’s a beautiful thing.

Ibiza: Clubs, DJs, and Rock and Roll

Ibiza’s heritage is that of a sunny paradise where you could gather, listen to music, and sneak away to beaches with friends while naked and drunk. Today, this Mediterranean island is probably better known for being filled with obnoxious European binge drinkers packed into clubs plagued by the worst house music you’ll ever hear.

No matter. Find relief at the Ibiza Rocks House at Pikes Hotel, a 15th-century stone mansion that reached newfound fame in the eighties when the likes of Freddie Mercury trashed it for a legendary birthday party. Wham! shot the music video for their hit “Club Tropicana” there as well.

Visit the beautiful stone palace, take in the lush vegetation and greenery, bask in the halls where the rock stars once partied, and continue the tradition. Get your drink on and stay through the night for Idris Elba, who DJs in the Freddie Mercury suite.

Macau: Gambling On the Water,

In the only city in China that permits casino gambling, Macau is a veritable “Vegas of the East.” In a scene from Skyfall, James Bond travels by a lantern-lit gondola, ferried through a dragon’s mouth and into a casino of the uber-wealthy.

90% of Macau’s profits from gambling come from Baccarat, but the city has begun to see interest in other traditional games, like Poker or Blackjack. Newcomers are welcome, even often at the VIP tables. Newbies enter and leave one of two ways: either the card sharks clean you out, or you turn out to be a pro and sweep the table. But, for Macau’s top one-percent gamblers, it’s an honor to lose money this way; you won’t have to worry about fighting a henchman from James Bond because you can win at cards like him.

With all your earnings, grab a room at the Wynn Macau, a lavish destination and one of the few spots (on Earth) to serve the traditional Tan cuisine of the Qing dynasty aristocracy. Blow the rest of your cash at Club CUBIC, a 30,000-square foot mega nightclub with five VIP rooms, a pool table encrusted with diamonds, and more. Sounds incredible!

Are your bags packed yet?

Knockout Mag

Knockout Mag