‘Tis the season for steamy hot tub sessions, pool sex, salty ocean foreplay, and sex on the beach (and we’re not talking cocktails). However, we are here to provide some tips regarding summer sex that you will want to hear before you decide to get all hot and heavy in a cesspool of bad decisions.

Hot Tub Sex

No rules apply if you have your own private hot tub that nobody else has been in, or even better, one of those whirlpool bathtubs. You can get as intimate as you want in your own territory because you know it’s clean. We recommend avoiding hotel or apartment hot tubs, because not only can over-chlorination cause irritation (yikes), it’s usually not enough to kill all the germs that have melted off other people (double yikes). With all of the foreign skin cells and grime, think of it as getting laid in a giant vat of “people stew.” Gross, no thank you!

Pool Sex 

It would be wise to skip this altogether. Once again, if you own a pool, then chances are you have hosted pool days with your buddies. And, even though they will deny it, you know after a few too many beers, at least one of them has just let it go rather than hopping out to take a piss. Public pools are frequented by kids, so this means you may as well be bathing in a monstrous urinal. If you find yourself in the pool with a hot chick and you can’t keep your hands off each other, then it would be best to move it inside where you can rinse off in the shower first. Bonus: Shower Sex!

Ocean Sex

The main concern here is getting sand lodged in uncomfortable places. Also, water washes away natural lubrication which can cause tears (ouch), and mixing that with salty water can lead to a world of pain. You can engage in prolonged foreplay in the ocean, but after that, you’re better off moving to a blanket on the beach, while once again making sure you don’t get sand in any awkward areas.

Lake Sex

Absolutely not! Not once. Not ever. Don’t even think about it. Just stop.

We wish you the best of luck in your sexual endeavors this season, and hope you enjoy the wildest of summer days and the dirtiest of summer nights. Just don’t forget the saying, “there must be something in the water.” Because, chances are, that “something” is a crap-load of germs and regret.

Knockout Mag

Knockout Mag