As we all know, there are many ways to get drunk, but beer is probably the most tried and true, right? While men might have their favorite brands or brews, beer is fundamental to a manly diet. With that said, getting drunk on beer is also inevitable. So, what are the stages of drunkenness from beer you might ask? Well, here you have it!
Stage 1: Mingle Time
At this point in the night, nothing has really started yet. Whether you’re at the bar or a party, it’s much too early in the night for any real fun to occur. That’s why you need your first beers in you, stat! As you drink your first few beers, it’ll help oil up the gears and start a few conversations. The faster you get out of the awkward stage and into the mingling stage, the more fun you’ll have.
Stage 2: Slurring
Mingle time is over. By this point, you’ve got at least a six-pack in your stomach, and you’re showing the signs. Your conversations with friends are fluid, fun, and full of laughs. They might be laughing at you, however, because you keep slurring your words but oh well, it’s all fun!
Stage 3: Picking Fights
By this stage, the laughter has faded into animosity. Suddenly, that guy you’ve been bullshitting with at the bar isn’t your buddy. He’s just making fun of you, isn’t he? Liquid courage is running through your veins and you decide that the bullying you’ve incurred your entire life would stop forever. It’s a romantic thought, but in reality, you drunkenly stumble up to whoever’s in your way. If you’re lucky, all you’ll walk away with is a shiner under your eye. You wear it like a badge of honor because you’re a badass, for the moment.
Stage 4: Ex-Girlfriend
The testosterone has worn off and Stage 4 begins to set in. With much shame, we’ve all ventured into the worst territory: drunkenly calling your ex-girlfriend. The combination of plenty of beer and Drake playing in the background is just the atmosphere you need to have a little memory slideshow roll through your head of all the great times you had together. Sadly, you then think it’s a good idea to call your ex. She won’t be happy that you’re calling her in the middle of the night, especially because she can’t understand a word you’re saying. The mixture of slurring and sobbing into the phone creates a storm of nonsense and she’ll definitely hang up on you. But fear not, the party isn’t close to being over yet!
Stage 5: Blackout
We’ve reached the end of our journey: blacking out. Yes, if you drink enough beer, you can blackout. Usually, this is the result of mixing together drinks and other combinations of drugs. Rarely can you blackout just from beer, but it just stands as a testament to how much fun you’ve had.
Accompanying the blackout stage is usually vomiting. You’ll wake up dehydrated, your head pounding from a massive headache, and some foreign fluid caked to your shirt. Between being huddled over the porcelain throne and trying to choke down some Gatorade, you’ll be texting your friends, “What the hell happened last night?” Prepare to be mortified.